I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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