I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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