Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
And then he peed in my hair
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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