it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I pour the whiskey from now on
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I wear drunk well.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
