He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
