Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
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Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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