Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I died a long time ago.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
