Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
