You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
