I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
