Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
