i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
