..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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