weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
