I puked a lego.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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