i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
