How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
