I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
