He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how can u be prego again
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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