Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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