Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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