my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
