my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
