I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
my liver is dry heaving
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
