I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
