I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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