he thought i was a dude.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
