Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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