Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
