U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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