At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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