I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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