Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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