It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
