The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
