like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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