My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
