you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
