Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This is not my ceiling
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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