She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
