I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize