just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
