:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
