Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
