I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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