words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
