So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
