If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
