Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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