You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
