Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
