FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
