Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
