maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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