well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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