lets start a swedish sibling band together
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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