I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
