The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
