oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Your dad touched me again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
