OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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