someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
