Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
