I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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