I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
