I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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