I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
