Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My balls are so social today.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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