So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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