Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
