im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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