So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
