i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
