Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
