Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
