He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
