I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The beer is more important than you right now.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
