also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
