I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
