Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
