So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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