Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
