God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
